In Loving Memory of Ankit Chhibber
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Fear of the Unknown
“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. ~ H. P. Lovecraft
What is it that drives millions of people to pray before they embark on something really important in their lives? What is it that drives millions of people to pray for a better tomorrow? What is it that drives people to pray in their hour of crisis? What is it that drives millions of students to pray before they write an exam?
Fear. The Fear of the Unknown. Fear is what drives people to do unpredictable things. Fear is the root cause of all our superstitions. The Fear of the Unknown. Because it is unknown, because we are not sure about the outcome, because we don’t what’s going to happen, we not only find solace in the biggest unknown of it all, the God, but we also stop thinking rationally. You talk to anyone about anything and you will be confronted with, “How do you know it is true?” “Have you seen it?” “Stop spreading rumours” and what not. You talk about God, you subscribe anything and everything happening in this world to God and lo and behold all the heads nod in agreement; you wouldn’t hear a voice of disagreement, leave aside raising a question. That’s the power of God. And the irony is, even the concept of God fails to answer it all. “Why tsunamis?” “Why so many people need to suffer for no fault of theirs?” “Why the tyrants rules and the innocents suffer?” “Why someone dies so young and others live wishing they were dead?” The list is never ending. The frustration grows with every question. We need answers to all the questions and since there is no plausible answer, we just leave it to the biggest unknown, the God. Ever heard of big fish eating small fish.
All of a sudden, I find myself at crossroads, facing an uneasy question. Am I an atheist? No, I am not. I never was. Am I turning into an atheist? I don’t know. But since our son, Ankit, passed away, I haven’t ever prayed, nor gone to a temple. And the strangest thing is, I have never felt the need, the urge to pray or to go to a place of worship. I have come to accept that things happen, that there are certain things we don’t have control over, that it is futile to pray to God and hope that He will help. I haven’t looked for a God nor needed one ever since.
The need? May be ‘the need’ to have an answer to each and everything, every question is what make us subscribe to the concept of God. Life is what it is. A bit sweet, a bit sour. You try to live it to the best of your ability and whatever happens, happens. Only if we can just take the thing as they are or as they happen and not blame it to an extraneous factor, we would not need the so called God; if we can convince ourselves that tsunamis happen because of the reasons the scientist tell us to be; people die young, because of accidents or because of the failure of some body mechanism; there are tyrants because people are not willing to fight for their rights, we would not need the so called God. And we would not fear the unknown.
We just have to face our fears. For as long as there is this universe, for as long as we live, for as long as there is a tomorrow, there would be that ‘fear of the unknown’ we would need to face.
What is it that drives millions of people to pray before they embark on something really important in their lives? What is it that drives millions of people to pray for a better tomorrow? What is it that drives people to pray in their hour of crisis? What is it that drives millions of students to pray before they write an exam?
Fear. The Fear of the Unknown. Fear is what drives people to do unpredictable things. Fear is the root cause of all our superstitions. The Fear of the Unknown. Because it is unknown, because we are not sure about the outcome, because we don’t what’s going to happen, we not only find solace in the biggest unknown of it all, the God, but we also stop thinking rationally. You talk to anyone about anything and you will be confronted with, “How do you know it is true?” “Have you seen it?” “Stop spreading rumours” and what not. You talk about God, you subscribe anything and everything happening in this world to God and lo and behold all the heads nod in agreement; you wouldn’t hear a voice of disagreement, leave aside raising a question. That’s the power of God. And the irony is, even the concept of God fails to answer it all. “Why tsunamis?” “Why so many people need to suffer for no fault of theirs?” “Why the tyrants rules and the innocents suffer?” “Why someone dies so young and others live wishing they were dead?” The list is never ending. The frustration grows with every question. We need answers to all the questions and since there is no plausible answer, we just leave it to the biggest unknown, the God. Ever heard of big fish eating small fish.
All of a sudden, I find myself at crossroads, facing an uneasy question. Am I an atheist? No, I am not. I never was. Am I turning into an atheist? I don’t know. But since our son, Ankit, passed away, I haven’t ever prayed, nor gone to a temple. And the strangest thing is, I have never felt the need, the urge to pray or to go to a place of worship. I have come to accept that things happen, that there are certain things we don’t have control over, that it is futile to pray to God and hope that He will help. I haven’t looked for a God nor needed one ever since.
The need? May be ‘the need’ to have an answer to each and everything, every question is what make us subscribe to the concept of God. Life is what it is. A bit sweet, a bit sour. You try to live it to the best of your ability and whatever happens, happens. Only if we can just take the thing as they are or as they happen and not blame it to an extraneous factor, we would not need the so called God; if we can convince ourselves that tsunamis happen because of the reasons the scientist tell us to be; people die young, because of accidents or because of the failure of some body mechanism; there are tyrants because people are not willing to fight for their rights, we would not need the so called God. And we would not fear the unknown.
We just have to face our fears. For as long as there is this universe, for as long as we live, for as long as there is a tomorrow, there would be that ‘fear of the unknown’ we would need to face.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Happy Birthday Ankit!!!
November 18. Today would be Ankit’s 21st Birthday. Happy Birthday Ankit!!! All your friends are here, Ankit. They brought this beautiful cake and we all celebrated your Birthday. This is the second year that you are not with us on your Birthday. Memories are what we are left with now. Memories. And we have wonderful memories of his Birthday, of the time gone-by. Time, we wish, we can bring back somehow or the other. Time, we will give our lives for. Time, which we hold dearly to us. Time, more precious than anything else in the world. Memories. That’s all we have now.
I read the following poem online and your smiling face flashed across my eyes.
“I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still in each new dawn.”
- Traditional Native American Prayer
Happy Birthday Ankit!!!
I read the following poem online and your smiling face flashed across my eyes.
“I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still in each new dawn.”
- Traditional Native American Prayer
Happy Birthday Ankit!!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
“It wouldn’t be our world without you in it.”
November 07. The day that changed it all, forever. The day that turned our world upside-down. Today is the day. Today is the day Ankit left home in the morning, never to come back. Today is the day Ankit left us forever. He was so happy when he left home. His smiling face.......
It seems like yesterday.
It seems like yesterday. Ankit taking his first step, speaking his first word, writing for the first time and we look at his cute face in awe as if he has done something no one else has done in this universe. Living in a moment? The moments we will give our lives for.
It seems like yesterday. Ankit is going to school for the first time. How happy I was driving him to school. Ankit is so happy, all dressed up. I saw it all. Ankit receiving the medal for being an Honours students; Ankit at his Grade-8 Graduation; Ankit playing Saxophone at his school concert; Ankit receiving the Medal for Science Olympics; Ankit receiving the MVP Award for Cricket at his school; Ankit receiving the certificate for being Ontario Scholar; Ankit at Grade 12 Graduation; Ankit going to University. I have seen it all. Almost everything.
Minutes, hours, days… time flies but his naughty smile, his grinning face is still the same as we saw it the first time. “Don’t worry Dad” was his favourite answer whenever I would ask him something. “Don’t worry!!!” and he has left nothing behind for us to worry about.
The moments. They never leave you. You never let them go. You live those moments all your life. The moments gone by. You can’t live in moments gone by, but you can’t live without them as well.
It seems like yesterday.
It seems like yesterday that Ankit was born. The cute smiling face, the tiny hands; so adorable that you can’t take your eyes off of him. It still brings a grin to our faces. We remember it all. Living in a moment. A moment gone by, but etched in our minds for eternity. The moments, the voice, the smile, the tears, nothing has been lost. It seems like yesterday.
 |
| Ankit Chhibber |
It seems like yesterday. Ankit taking his first step, speaking his first word, writing for the first time and we look at his cute face in awe as if he has done something no one else has done in this universe. Living in a moment? The moments we will give our lives for.
 |
| Ankit at his home in Chandigarh, India |
 |
| Ankit: Ready to go to school for first time |
It seems like yesterday. Ankit is going to school for the first time. How happy I was driving him to school. Ankit is so happy, all dressed up. I saw it all. Ankit receiving the medal for being an Honours students; Ankit at his Grade-8 Graduation; Ankit playing Saxophone at his school concert; Ankit receiving the Medal for Science Olympics; Ankit receiving the MVP Award for Cricket at his school; Ankit receiving the certificate for being Ontario Scholar; Ankit at Grade 12 Graduation; Ankit going to University. I have seen it all. Almost everything.
 |
| Ankit: Grade 8 Graduation |
 |
| Ankit: Grade 12 Graduation |
Minutes, hours, days… time flies but his naughty smile, his grinning face is still the same as we saw it the first time. “Don’t worry Dad” was his favourite answer whenever I would ask him something. “Don’t worry!!!” and he has left nothing behind for us to worry about.
 |
| Ankit at Taj Mahal |
The moments. They never leave you. You never let them go. You live those moments all your life. The moments gone by. You can’t live in moments gone by, but you can’t live without them as well.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Life Unfolding
October 31st. Today is my wife’s Birthday. Today is also the day when it all started. Today is the day that wreaked havoc in our lives.
It is the day when our son, Ankit, met with an accident, sustained life-threatening injuries and passed away seven days later. The day, my wife dreads, and wishes hadn’t come.
I still hear my wife frantically knocking on the door. I still hear her shrieking, cracking and trembling voice. Those voices have followed me ever since. But those voices don’t scare me anymore. Nothing scares me anymore. Those hysterical voices; they are part of me, my life now. My wife stills shrieks and cries hysterically. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in the world that I can do to stop that. Her tears haven’t dried up until now and I don’t know if they ever will.
My wife hasn’t stopped crying since that fateful day. She can’t sleep. The pills don’t help her anymore. Life is one hell of a journey. Nothing hurts anymore. We are at our wit’s end trying to figure out the life we have now and what to do with it. You need to have the desire; the will in you to climb out of the hole which life has put you in. My wife simply has none. She is a caricature of herself now. No will, no desire, nothing. Just dragging her life, counting her days.
Life! What a transformation! Slowly but surely, slipping away as sand through your fingers, beyond comprehension as to why it has to be so cruel?
It is the day when our son, Ankit, met with an accident, sustained life-threatening injuries and passed away seven days later. The day, my wife dreads, and wishes hadn’t come.
I still hear my wife frantically knocking on the door. I still hear her shrieking, cracking and trembling voice. Those voices have followed me ever since. But those voices don’t scare me anymore. Nothing scares me anymore. Those hysterical voices; they are part of me, my life now. My wife stills shrieks and cries hysterically. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in the world that I can do to stop that. Her tears haven’t dried up until now and I don’t know if they ever will.
My wife hasn’t stopped crying since that fateful day. She can’t sleep. The pills don’t help her anymore. Life is one hell of a journey. Nothing hurts anymore. We are at our wit’s end trying to figure out the life we have now and what to do with it. You need to have the desire; the will in you to climb out of the hole which life has put you in. My wife simply has none. She is a caricature of herself now. No will, no desire, nothing. Just dragging her life, counting her days.
Life! What a transformation! Slowly but surely, slipping away as sand through your fingers, beyond comprehension as to why it has to be so cruel?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Ankit's Memorial
Ankit’s Memorial? It sounds kind of weird to talk about Ankit and Memorial in the same breath. It sends a shrill down the spine. It hurts deep inside. Ankit’s Memorial? But that is what reality is. As painful; as brutal; as true; as death is.
View Ankit's Memorial in a larger map
Memorials. Never thought much about them until now. But I must admit, they are wonderful. Memorials are as awe inspiring as the person is for whom they are built. Larger than life. The tranquility; the calmness; the serenity; the quiescence, is amazing. If you ever need a place where you want to face the truth, as it is and not the way you want it to be, Memorials are the places.
You can be there for hours on and yet not feel the burden of time fleeting by. You can be there sitting with all your family yet not feel the need to talk to each other, not feeling it at the same time. You can be there sitting quite, yet talk your heart out. You can be there with your loved one, feel his/her presence, yet crying and asking yourself why he/she is not there. You can be there feeling like having touched him/her and yet be hollow inside.
Memorials, as beautiful and as wonderful as life is.
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